Recovery makes ED nervous

ED gets very nervous when recovery is mentioned. He does not want to see me getting better. ED did not want to see me going into treatment. He definitely does not want me to get rid of him. In other words, the thoughts of getting rid of the eating disorder gets distorted during recovery. I got so confused. It took me a good year to make a commitment to treatment. I did not take it seriously, had an attitude, and dropped out because my thoughts were so confused. I had the eating disorder so long. Did I really want to lose it? It was my comfort to use food to control my emotions. I had to learn how to handle my emotions another way. It was hard and ED made it easy to stay in my old ways. He was so encouraging. ED was nervous, though, and was telling me that food was the only way to deal with things. He didn’t want to leave me. I am still struggling at times and I have to admit that ED is still around. He is nervous because I am starting to recover. His voice is loud but I am relying on him less and less. He tries to tell me I need him and I ignore him now. He’s pushy but I am going to recover and Kick ED’s Butt. 🐷