ED and Mindfulness

The first time I heard the word mindfulness, I was starting treatment for my eating disorder. I really didn’t know what mindfulness was prior to that.

My first day of treatment, the group was told that we were going to do an “exercise” in mindfulness. First, as soon as I heard this, my heart started to pound. I was new in the group, my eating disorder was at it’s worst and I was scared of any type of activity in front of people. We had to put our feet on the floor, close our eyes, and do some type of breathing exercise. I, reluctantly, closed my eyes and tried to focus on my breathing. However, I kept saying in my head that this was a bunch of crap the whole time. After the activity, many participants were saying how it helped them. I just stayed there trying not to open my mouth as I was afraid I would say what a bunch of crap it was.

Throughout treatment, I can’t tell you how many mindfulness exercises I did. My mind and body never relaxed. I couldn’t keep my body still. My mind thought about my family, my bills, my eating disorder, and mostly that this was a bunch of crap!!!!!

As I progressed in my recovery, I found myself practicing these activities outside of treatment. I found myself relaxing and getting my mind to stop racing at times. I was able to go for a ride with my husband and actually look out the window and see things I’ve never seen before. I was able to take the dog for an actual walk without looking at my phone. ED would try to talk to me and I could try one of these activities to distract myself. It is still a process and at times I can’t focus on relaxing or shutting ED up, but now I am using mindfulness to Kick ED’s Butt.❤️❤️❤️